As you can imagine, sleeping with a wiggly cuddly 5 year old in a full size bed does NOT make for good quality slumber.
Due to my severe sleep deprivation, I assumed Solly and I would skip church this morning. He promptly woke up again at 8:30 this morning jolting me abruptly from my hazy consciousness. When I realized he would be awake for the bulk of the morning, I hastened to get us ready to go. Heck, if he was going to be awake at home, why not be awake at church where a loving capable nursery worker could care for him? Where else could I get a much-needed break if even just for an hour?
I'm inexpressibly glad I went. God had a word to speak to my weary soul. As Pastor Begg talked of suffering and glory from Romans 8, my tears trickled. I've never thought my life contained suffering of any kind. I'm healthy, free, have my needs met, and have never been persecuted for my faith. Most Americans would say the same. We have it pretty stinkin' good.
But as I sat there in the pew sniffling I realized I have been suffering these past months. Suffering from sleep deprivation. Before you turn away and regard this post as incidental, consider. Sleep deprivation is a seriously difficult ordeal. Intermittent sleep taxes me not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying it's hard. I know these days will pass, I know this baby stuff is full of phases, but it's still hard. It feels like suffering to me.
When I think that the purpose of this suffering is to show by contrast the beauty and lightness of the promise of heaven, then my present sufferings are a bit more bearable. And I know that Jesus is here with me in the muck and mire of everyday sleep-deprived life. It stinks and He knows it. He knows, He cares and He hears when all I can do is cry, "Help!".
I'm not trying to be over-dramatic for the sake of hyperbole here. I hope I never forget the deep and real hardness of these days. I hope I always have empathy for new sleep-deprived moms. I hope I don't ever trivialize the difficulties of the first year of babyhood with trite sayings and passing judgments.
And more importantly, in or out of sufferings I hope the God of heaven will always be my comfort.
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Romans 8:18, 23-25
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. . . . And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly the adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
2 comments:
I sympathize with you, Alicia! It is very easy to compare our trials with the trials of others & minimize what we are going through. That has to be part of the reason we are not to compare ourselves. Whatever the difficulty we face (for you, sleep deprivation, for me, difficult coworkers) God has a purpose & a lesson & the strength we need to endure. Thanks so much for posting - it was an encouragment to me!
Mary Ann: Thanks for your sweet empathizing words! I often put a brave face on and try to tough it out but I'm gradually learning it's ok to admit I'm struggling! God's grace to you as you deal with your coworkers!
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